I AM OVER HIM!
The other day I just snapped out of this funk i’ve been in for about three years. I thought to myself: “what the hell are you doing?”
This boy, I won’t say man because he is not nearly that mature, broke my heart and threw it on the ground. He cut me off. He won’t talk to me. I was nothing to him. We are pretty much strangers according to him I guess.
I couldn’t let go. I thought about him EVERY day for 3 years. I thought about him, I wrote letters to him that I never sent, I dreamt about him so much, and he was always on my mind. About a month ago was the last time I dreamt about him, only for a few minutes. In the dream he wrote “I love you so much, things will be different this time.” on a table. He didn’t even say it to my face. I didn’t even see his face.
When I woke up, I remember suddenly realising that things were not going to change. Things hadn’t changed in 3 years. Things were not going to change in a week, things were not going to change in a year. He does not love me. No matter how many times I dream about him, no matter how many times I relive the past and that summer, it doesn’t change the fact.
I had basically accepted the fact that I would be a 50 year old lady sitting on a rocking chair thinking about the “one that got away”. I honestly thought I would NEVER get over him. I would love him forever. My heart would never be full again, and I would never be able to forget about him and move on.
Then, 5 days ago, I was sitting at my desk and something just clicked. It’s like I opened my eyes and realised “What the fuck are you doing, Kathleen? You are moving on with your life. Look how far you’ve gotten! You are so smart, so pretty, and there are so many people that care about you! You are going to go places in your life, and you need to be happy! You DESERVE to be happy. You have wasted way too much of your time being sad about one person. Wake up!”
Someone can only treat you like shit for so long until you just snap. This guy broke my heart, and nobody has ever hurt me as much as him. I was madly in love with him, and not being with him made me lonely, sad, and depressed. I am proud to say that today, I am OVER HIM! No longer will I sit alone thinking about old times, thinking about how much he may or may not have loved me, or thinking about him in general! I am going to do everything I want to do with my life, and he is NOT going to be in my future!
I deserve so much more, I deserve to be wildly happy and to have someone who loves me. I know he’s out there. I still stand by my belief that everything happens for a reason. There’s a reason this stupid boy was in my life, It has tought me the hardest lesson of all, that life goes on. It doesn’t stop for anything or anyone. We are only here for a short time, and theres absolutly no reason you should be anything but wildly happy with the people and things in your life.
Thanks so much to my 2 followers, I hope you have a wonderful life and that all the lovely pieces fall together and give you a wildly happy, fufilling life!
Kathleen xo
